Glance on the roots and preclusion of divorce

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By Jamal Yousuf

Termination of beautiful marital bond due to lack of something, which can be trust or any other purpose is called as divorce or “Talaq”. It is the annulment of the legal responsibilities, and considered very awkward in Muslim society.

Before the days of the Prophet, divorce amongst the ancient Arabs was of frequent occurrence. However, the Prophet had indicated his dislike for it in no uncertain terms, and is reported to have once said that “with Allah, the most detestable of all things permitted is divorce.”

Islam tends to take a realistic a sympathetic view of human affairs, and thus stresses on the happiness of both spouses. If a husband and wife cannot live happily together in peace and harmony and are not satisfied with their matrimonial life, in these sense that they have physical, emotional, and sexual problems with each other, the Quran prescribes them “Divorce”, only if the problems are severe.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Of all the permitted things divorce is the most abominable by God.” and “Marry and do not divorce, undoubtedly the throne of the beneficent Lord shakes due to divorce.”

Here is a list of commonly observed grounds for divorce with reasons for divorce statistics. If you identify any of these in your relationship, you must get conscious about where your relationship is heading.

This will help you understand what factors are associated with a higher risk for divorce and take the necessary actions and avert further damage.

Let’s look at some of the most common reasons for divorce and understand whether or not your marriage is salvageable.

Lack of Commitment:

In several studies that asked people to choose from a list of important reasons for their divorce, lack of commitment came out at the top of the list. (As many as 85% of participants in one study gave this answer.)

Lack of commitment can seem vague and hard to prove (or disprove), especially to the person who’s being blamed for the problem. The outward signs are often related to other reasons for divorce, like extramarital affairs, not being willing to talk about the relationship, and not working toward shared financial goals.

Infidelity or an extramarital affair:

When one person goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, whether it is physical or sexual, this can doom a relationship.  It is very difficult to get trust back once a partner feels betrayed. Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the 20-40% breakdown of most marriages and end in divorce.

Financial Incompatibility: Money Disagreements

In different studies, about 40% of people said that financial problems—in particular, complaints about how their ex-spouse handled money—were a major reason they got divorced. Fights over money are often referred to as “financial incompatibility,” because they usually stem from differences in priorities and values around financial decisions.

Constant arguing:

From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships. Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. This can ultimately be a cause of divorce for 57.7% of couples.

Addictions:

Sadly, addictions causing the breakdown of marriages have become more common.

There are many types of addictions such as; Alcohol, Drugs, Gaming, and Gambling.

These, of course, are not the only types of addiction, but they are the most common ones mentioned on divorce petitions we handle. Addictions of any kind can cause pressures and tensions within a relationship so it’s not a surprise to us to see addictions as one of the most common reasons for couples getting divorced.

Abuse: Abuse comes in many forms, it’s not just the physical abuse that people sustain when married.

Other types of abuse include emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and financial abuse etc.

Unrealistic expectations:

It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations, expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be. These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Wrong expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce. Divorce has become very common. Usually it’s just because marriage has become a task. One researcher says, “Compared to years ago, people today pay less value on obligation to other, on sacrifice, and on self-restraint. We place more value on individualism, on self-expression and self-realization, and on personal choice” (Galston)

If you want to stay with your partner and avoid divorce, there are proactive measures you can take. From improving communication to infusing more romance into day-to-day life, here are some ways to improve your partnership.

Commit to Your Relationship:

Toying with the idea that you might be better off outside of your marriage can put a major strain on your relationship—even if you never voice those thoughts.

Honor and Respect Your Partner:

People inevitably change over time. Understanding, appreciating, and adapting to those changes is critical for any relationship. Start by making a list of your partner’s best qualities to remind yourself of the wonderful person you married.

Give Each Other Space:

One of the hardest things to balance in a marriage is the right amount of time to spend together. Too much can feel like smothering while too little can be interpreted as inattentive.

Work on Wellness:

It’s easy to get into a routine of being overly casual, especially if you’ve been with your partner for many years. There are plenty of ways to feel attractive and energized. Keeping up with your physical fitness boosts your confidence

Forgive Quickly:

Marriages often begin to fall apart when one person is holding a grudge. Try to forgive your partner as quickly as possible. Remember that forgiveness is just as much a gift you give yourself. Holding a grudge takes up mental and emotional space and almost always impacts your health and stress levels.

To conclude we can say that it is impossible to prevent you from all difficult situation, but in every situation it is possible to find the solution in the conversation. Your life depends only on you and on your attitude to this world. Just think a lot before you make some actions and you will see, that your life is not as bad as you think.

Islam tends to take a realistic a sympathetic view of human affairs, and thus stresses on the happiness of both spouses. If a husband and wife cannot live happily together in peace and harmony and are not satisfied with their matrimonial life, in these sense that they have physical, emotional, and sexual problems with each other, the Quran prescribes them “Divorce”, only if the problems are severe.